I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
