carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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