i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
