this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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