It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
