So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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