so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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