if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
