Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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