I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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