As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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