One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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