I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
