Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
