They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
