We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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