i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
