whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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