You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am naked and annoyed.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
