May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
