just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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