Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
