Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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