he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
