woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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