Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
