I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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