i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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