I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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