a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
