I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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