Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
