hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
