The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
