lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
