so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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