If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The feeling are messing with the penis
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
