I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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