the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
