I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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