i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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