Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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