This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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