i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
