I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
