My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
