I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this boner is exhausting
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
