Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
