Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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