how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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