I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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