I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
